2017 Trophy Naming Tournament - Championship Game
Introduction Congratulations everybody! We have made it over a month since fantasy football ended and we are all still here. Now, making it through the entire off-season is still going to be a challenge, but I'm confident we can handle it. One month at a time. The first LoC naming tournament is roaring to a close and soon we will be able to reveal who came up with what names and which of those names is going to be our trophy's title from now until the end of time. Many names fought valiantly, some not so much (I'm looking at you, The Best of the Best Trophy). And now only two remain-as is typical of tournaments entering the championship match. Super Bowl Squares At the time of this posting, eight of the ten teams have gotten the link to pick their squares. Tonight Patrick will become the ninth and in the morning the Commish will become eligible to pick his squares. So far a couple of interesting strategies here. We have Haskins and Jared treating the squares like a diversified stock portfolio, nabbing a piece of every row and column possible. Then you have Chantel, who has a hunch on column 1, and Nate, who holds a special place in his heart for row 9. We also have a couple of first time square players in here so it will be interesting to see how it all shakes out. Final Four Results The Eternal Cup of Glory (5) vs. The F.A.T.E. (4) The F.A.T.E. got Hillary Clinton’ed hardcore. Won the popular vote, didn’t win the electoral. Sad! Now before we go and say that the “F.A.T.E. vs. F.A.T.E. Trophy” debacle may have swayed some voters, let me assure you that there was no voter fraud to be found here. At the risk of revealing who voted along what party lines, I can tell you that this vote hinged on two people flip-flopping for completely different reasons. To explain it even further: 5 people voted for F.A.T.E. in the Elight Eight. But only 4 voted in the Final Four. Of those five from the Elite Eight, one person flipped to Eternal Cup simply because Eternal Cup was THEIR name. Another flipped out of preference for Eternal Cup. This second person flipped AFTER the revision had been made to the Elite Eight writeup, meaning they never even saw the original accusation that “The F.A.T.E.” was an incomplete name. In fact, that person is reading this paragraph and has no idea what the hell I'm talking about. Now to clarify, yes that should mean a 6-3 vote for EC, but one person who voted against F.A.T.E. in the Elite Eight switched sides and gave their vote to F.A.T.E. in this round, but since two voters had fled it was not enough to make up the difference. But still, I do feel bad that I fucked that one up (calling it "The F.A.T.E." instead of "The F.A.T.E. Trophy" and then calling the name out for being incomplete). I was reaching for a pro and con to write about each suggestion and accidentally fabricated the con for The F.A.T.E. Trophy. And yeah it was kinda a dick move to then try to posterize the manager after they called me out on it. I don't like fucking up and I am awarding ten bonus points to the creator of “The F.A.T.E. Tropy” as reparation. Don’t say I am not a wise and just ruler. Lastly, let's give credit where it is due. The Eternal Cup of Glory is a first-eight candidate that has made it the duration, and it has done so as a worthy choice for trophy title. The name is so well-favored amongst league managers that one owner commented to me "I don't care about my trophy name anymore, The Eternal Cup of Glory is awesome!" The Salty Dolphin (6) vs. The Snapface (3) Last week I postulated that The Salty Dolphin may be the new name to beat, and for the second week in a row they win in blowout fashion. The Snapface has to be feeling a bit like Charles Barkely after LeBron James posterized him on ESPN. But despite Salty emerging as the league's powerhouse, this lopsided result really shocked me, as I thought both were well-liked teams with equal shots at taking the crown. But perhaps the Patriot angle ended up hurting Snapface in the end. After all, this isn't a league of entirely Patriots fans. In the past we have had an Eagles fan, a kinda Packers fan, and currently we have a Falcon and a Jet in our midst. Although, the Falcon fan also really likes the Patriots. And the Packer fan didn't quite grasp the four-down concept. So it's really mostly Patriots fans and some loser fans. The Bracket The Championship Game When the bracket first started, I really had no idea which two names were going to emerge from the north and south divisions. I felt like the random seeding had doomed some names (Champion's Cup vs. The Best of the Best would have been a much fairer matchup than Sprinkle Cup vs. Champion's) but I also knew that we wouldn't end up with a name that was despised. I think what we have here in the final game are two names that each bring something nice to the league's high honor. The Eternal Cup of Glory and the Salty Dolphin have thus far accumulated 60 points for their respective managers, with another 40 on the way to the winner of the competition. If either team hits on a square they will solidify a decent lead in the off-season competition. The Eternal Cup of Glory vs. The Salty Dolphin Like I said, I don't think either of these names would embarrass anyone who belongs to this league. If we eventually expand back to 12 or we lose a member and have to bring someone else in, it won't take long to explain to them why we chose either of these names to represent the LoC's Lombardi equivolant. Full-On Rapist, maybe that would have been a little off-putting, but Eternal Cup of Glory is majestic and Salty Dolphin is hilarious. The Eternal Cup of Glory What is there left to say about the trophy that says it all? I am a big fan of eternity. YUGE fan. I always enjoyed listening to Junior Seau give his pre-Super Bowl 42 interview and discuss his concept of "ever." You can skip to the 2:30 mark to get to the really good stuff. "There's good...there's great...and there is one category that we all would love to be a part of, and it's called "ever."" Single favorite line by an NFL football player...ever. By the way, it pains me more that Junior never got a ring than it does that we lost the perfect season. You can etch that on my gravestone. So I think Eternal Cup of Glory is a Name that honors the concept of "Ever," and of being a part of an elite group of Shottis who have won the league. The name also touches on that feeling of reaching the moment of glory. There is no greater glory than winning a matchup. A part of us dies every time we lose, and winning is as close to sublime as we are all going to get. That epic feeling? That's glory, my friends. So I think the name hits on all we want out of fantasy. A chance to be remembered as a great champion, and a feeling of glory that no one can take away. The Salty Dolphin Oh, how I love thee. I think Fantasy is one of those things that we all have fun playing but that a lot of us take really fucking seriously. Like, almost too seriously. We spend Sundays doing those mental gymnastics in our heads: "well I want the Patriots to win 2-0 because I have Chiefs defense," or "I need Big Ben to throw for 500 yards and 6 TDs but not target Antonio Brown" or a personal favorite of mine "If Seattle just kicks 7 field goals I win." Does anyone play by the rules of this logic more than Nate? He lives and dies by the sword of fantasy. I put a lot of effort into this game every year. But it is nothing compared to Nate's life as a fantasy owner. I am convinced he has the Fantasy App embedded in his brain. I'm not sure but I think "Stream the Defense" is tattooed on his left ass cheek. The Salty Dolphin accomplishes a number of things. For one, it is a funny trophy name that compliments the serious path of pain we take to get there. It doesn't all need to be so grave. We can have fun, too! I think. I'm not sure. I haven't had fun playing fantasy since I lost the 2010 championship by one Aaron Hernandez yard (he got what was coming to him in my humble opinion). I started up this league to try and make amends for that and have felt tortured ever since. But in theory fantasy is supposed to be fun and this is a fun name that would be unique to our league. It also rips on the league's toughest owner, the guy who puts the most effort into the league and consistently falls short. In a way it honors the salty dolphin in all of us. Salty Commish, in my case. Salty Dinosaur, in Patrick's case. Salty Beard, in Zach's. Nine of us fall short of our goal each season, and the one person who succeeds gets to own our tears for the entire off-season. In this way, I believe The Salty Dolphin accomplishes something that Eternal Cup of Glory cannot. It both honors and rips on every single player in the LoC (but mostly Nate (but all of us, too (but mostly Nate (yeah, mostly Nate)))). The question is, will The Salty Dolphin get the crucial Dolphin demographic to come out and vote on election day? Considering our league is at least 10% dolphin, maybe more (we can identify as whatever we want now), this could be a determining factor. VOTE I included a couple other questions on the voter card. The bonus round is not required to submit the form but take your best stab at it anyway. VOTE HERE On a more somber note, it pains me that I am not with you guys for this Super Bowl. Patrick and I have waited our whole lives to see our two teams face off and for the first time in my life I will not be in Rhode Island to witness the big game with all my best friends. I admit, a tiny part of me is hoping that by some miracle I'm going to be surprised and all of you are going to show up at my doorstep at noon on Sunday with an Xbox360, a cheese pizza, and a tub of buffalo wings in hand, singing happy birthday and getting ready to cheer on our Dynasty with me for one more time. But the logical part of me knows the truth: you will all be here in spirit only. I guess that'll have to do. You'll all be in my thoughts (and probably on my nerves). On the plus side I get to have pepperoni on my pizza for once! HA, fuck you Pat and your ethical vegetarianism.